Why I Loved the Story of a Blind Adulterous and His Deceitful Wife

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Reading with My Ears Book Review

How long can a husband who is going blind keep that fact from his wife? Can a Sighted Spouse Deceive Their Blind Partner Based on Vision Alone? Is it possible to commit adultery with a woman who is also your legal wife? What happens when the two meet and the truth is revealed? The book “Lady Folbroke’s Delicious Deception” by Christine Merrill addresses these questions and so much more.

Here is the overview by Barnes and Noble: Emily married the love of her life and hoped that he would learn to love her. Instead, he upped and left their country estate for London. Suffering the snub with dignity, three years on Emily has had enough! Confronting her errant husband, Emily sees that Adrian, Earl of Folbroke, has been robbed of his sight and doesn’t know her at all! Emily longs for her husband’s touch. If she plays his mistress by delicious deception, can he finally learn to love his wife?

Loved the Blind Main Character

Okay, you got the gist of this romance novel. Now, let me tell you why I absolutely loved reading it. And I am going to try really, really hard without giving away any spoilers because I want you to read and enjoy it too. So, here goes. The overall reason I loved the book was because of the blind antagonist, Adrian. I have read a lot of books over the years and rarely do I find a blind main character, especially one that is like a regular human being. Let me explain what I am talking about. Many times, people who are blind are portrayed in stereotypical ways. We are the super crip accomplishing huge feats that even sighted folks can’t do. Or we are like little angels that don’t sin or do anything bad. Or we are like Casper the Friendly Ghost hovering in the background like window dressing but have no real purpose or importance. Or we are asexual and either we don’t have/want sex or are not seen as sexually attractive. Are you getting my meaning now? I sure hope so because I am out of examples.

Struggles with Going Blind

So back to Adrian, the wayward husband. He abandons his wife and moves to the city. Why does he do this? Because he is going blind and can’t face the music. This is very realistic and true. Our society puts so much shame on becoming disabled. Many of us who go blind as adults have a real tough time dealing with it and then society, friends and family might not react well to the news. There is fear, shame   and anger when you are going blind. This story was way back in the day and it wasn’t like he had a support group, therapist or someone to call who understood what he was dealing with. So, he ran away.

Then the next thing he did, which a lot of us in the blind community do, is Fake it ‘til you make it. Adrian acted like a drunken fool and spent time around unseemly people as a way to deal with his situation. He pretended he could see when he couldn’t. He avoided his true social connections, family and of course his wife because they would see right through his charade. He acted this way because he was depressed and saw no future.

Process Blindness in a Positive Way

But in other ways he was processing his blindness in a positive way. He had started to use a stick (official white canes would not be developed until much later) to travel and get around. He got directions and remembered how to get to places he had been to before his vision decreased. He was also learning how to use his other senses. Merrill gave several good examples of this with his smell and hearing. Even his sense of touch was explored with touching clothing and body parts. This is a romance novel after all! You got to have some sexy love scenes and they were displayed in vivid description.

He was also figuring out his food plate which is a huge deal for us blind folks. Certain foods I don’t eat in public, like spaghetti with tomato sauce. Just a bit too messy! He wrote letters with a special writing guide. I have one similar and used quite often in my early days of vision loss.

I appreciated Merrill’s focus on Adrian’s resistance to connecting to the blind school yet wanting to help blind people. I totally understood this concept. During that time, the school for the blind only focused on vocational training whereas Adrian was an educated man. He had also been in the military and was a lord. This school wouldn’t have worked for someone on his level. yet, when he came across a blind woman who was begging on the street he offered to help her beyond just giving money.

Wife Decieves Blind Husband

Adrian is my blind hero and why I love this book. But his wife, Emily was interesting too. Once she discovers he can’t see and doesn’t recognize her she plans to deceive him. On the surface this seems cruel. But remember he left her in the dust for 3 years and has been committing adultery. So, girlfriend is doing a little payback! Deep down she loves him and wants to help him regardless of his vision problem. Lots of times when a person becomes disabled the marriage can fail because adjusting is difficult. Many times, the disability reveals problems and issues that were already there and hadn’t been delt with in the marriage. Such as the case in this story.

This novel of love and romance is a real yet sweet one. It was published in 2011 so I am sure it is available everywhere. I found it at my local library as an audiobook and listened to it on my Hoopla app. For my blind and visually impaired friends, it is available through the National Library Service for the Blind and Print Disabled. If you are looking for a story with complicated characters that are not one dimensional with some drama going on along with hot steamy  romance, this book is for you.

My Blindness Protected Me From the Full Grief and Horror of September 11th

Spray of White Funeral Flowers

For years I have said little to nothing about the September 11th attacks. Keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself for the most part. Not because I didn’t care or have empathy for all the people who suffered and died. Not because of the seriousness of the attack and later our involvement in a war. Rather it is because September 11th was such a visual event and being totally blind I struggle to have a connection to it.

Let me explain what I mean. First of all, this is not a blog post about where you were when x y z b happened. It is more about how my blindness protected or kept me from fully participating in a national, universal experience. This event was one of the first times I realized how my blindness separated me from other people. That I was different. In some strange, weird way it protected or kept me from entirely engaging in the pure devastation of the day. I was removed from it because I couldn’t see it. I was not able to totally share in our collective grief and horror.

Lost Vision Right Before September 11th

My father had passed away a few years before and I had gone totally blind in 1999. So, it’s not like I’m unfamiliar with grief, pain and suffering. Losing my vision and only 2 years prior was a real traumatic event and not one to shrug off easily. Therefore, I felt that my feelings of sadness and empathy were there and available. Still, something was missing.

Can’t Visualize the Attack

My roommate at the time attempted to describe the event. I had no visual memory of the Twin Towers only the Statue of Liberty. She positioned my hands as two tall buildings standing side by side. Then she took one of her hands and pushed it into one of mine to simulate one of the planes crashing into one of the towers. Yet, after all of that I still didn’t quite get what was happening. How do I visualize two tall skyscrapers falling down? How do I understand people jumping and falling out of buildings to their death? How do I visually process a large airplane flying directly into a building? How do I visualize a building collapsing into itself? And then the huge cloud of debris and dust that went up into the sky coming back down to cover everything and everybody on the ground. I could not visualize any of this no matter how hard I tried.

Book and Podcast Finally Help

It was years later when I read the fictional book title “False Impression” by Jeffrey Archer where one of the main characters was in New York on September 11th. The author vividly described the scene and action. The character was in one of the buildings in the staircase coming down. She escaped only to get caught up in the cloud of debris. Then I got it! The buildings falling, the people jumping to their death, and the cloud covering people on the ground. Things began to make sense. And all from reading a fictional book years later! Who would have thought?

It happened again last year when I was listening to the Talk Description To Me podcast. They did an excellent episode on September 11th. They described the day but more importantly they described photos. The one that is sealed in my memory is of a Black woman, named Marcy Boarders, who was covered in so much debris it was hard to identify her race until she wiped her face. She was called the “Dust Lady.” She was just covered from head to toe. It was just that awful. I could actually imagine this beautiful and distinguished woman in her nice business suit coated in filth and dust. As they described her appearance my heart sank. I was deeply saddened for what she and many others went through. Then to find out later she died from stomach cancer was terrible. Again, I got it. The images really sank in and I understood the gravity of the situation although many years later.

Speaking Up at 20th Anniversary

Now, we are here at the 20th anniversary. After all this time I feel I can say something about this day and not feel so disconnected. I can join in on the conversation when people recollect and share their stories. Yes, my blindness did protect me but I do understand better what happened from a visual perspective. It has taken time but knowing this helps me to be more mindful, empathetic and caring to people who experience loss on this day.

Library in Quarantine: My Book Clubs Are Virtual During the Pandemic

Two facemasks expressing love of libraries and African American authors

Book Club Before COVID

Before COVID came along and turn things upside down I physically attended two book clubs sponsored by my county library. One was bimonthly where we met at local restaurants. We would discuss some of the latest reads over appetizing cuisine and drinks. Occasionally, While being served, even the wait staff and management would chime in on our lively chatter. It was a great time to talk books, eat delicious food and socialize for about an hour.

My other book club met at the library in the activity room. AS we gathered once a month, we would have our discussion while munching on snacks of chips and salsa, slices of cake and various salads. We would laugh and share about our lives, work and family sometimes more than we talked about the book.

But that all came to a grinding halt and the library closed. No more book club meetings. No more discussions at local eateries. No more talking about life, work and family. Everything just stopped.

Using Zoom for Book Club

If you remember lots of people started working from home and kids were doing virtual learning. Everyone was trying to learn how to use Zoom. Slowly people started to use the videoconference platform for activities like family gatherings, medical appointments and exercise classes. Book club meetings were added to the list too. I was using Zoom before the pandemic. It started when I joined the Bookshare book discussion in the fall of 2019 and I participate to this day. Since this group is virtual members are from all over the place which is pretty cool. We are all blind or visually impaired because Bookshare provides digital books in text to speech. Each month we get together for a live chat to share our thoughts on reads we like, love or can’t stand.

Library Book Clubs Go Virtual

Empish Sitting in Front of Laptop Wearing Headset with Microphone

So, when my two library book clubs decided to go virtual I was good to go. It was not a huge transition for me because I was already a member of a virtual book club. I just added two more to the list and kept it moving! Now, you might be thinking, three book clubs are  a lot. That is a bunch of reading. That is a lot to keep up with. Well, I am an avid reader and although today is National Read a Book Day, I read constantly all the time. I read while cooking and cleaning. I read before bed. I read while in the shower. I read while commuting. I read while exercising.

Plus, I am a very organized person and keep a calendar of all my meetings and a book list so I don’t miss out. Being an introvert has been useful too. I still get the socialization and interaction I want without it being too much for my life and personality.

Actually, juggling three virtual book clubs has been easier than I thought for exactly all these reasons. If I had to do this in person, well that might be another conversation all together. So, I guess in a weird sort of way, the pandemic has helped keep me active and social. Attending virtual book clubs have been enjoyable for me. Yet, since I love reading I know when we finally get out of this pandemic, and we will, I will go back to the library and meet in person. It will be an adjustment but it will be a joy.

My Laundry isn’t Smart But I Am

Empish touching dials on washing machine

Washer Dies After 20 Years of Dedicated Service

Last month my faithful washing machine said goodbye to me. It had been a long-term member of my household. Spanning the years since I went blind back in the late 90s when I was living in an apartment with two housemates. To the Y2K and people thinking the world was ending. Remember the excitement over that? My machine was still washing clothes through all of it. Then moving to a smaller apartment and one housemate, my washer kept right on spinning along. Next, it was the purchase of my home, the first Black president and now the pandemic.

This machine has been with me through thick and thin. Through many ups and downs. Through a couple of boyfriends and jobs. So, excuse me if I get a little sentimental for a quick minute. It is just that not many things in life have that kind of longevity. When it died I was surprised I was not distressed or dismayed. It had been two decades. Instead, I took the rational approach and reasoned my washer had served me well. All good things must end. Nothing last forever. I took it in stride. Plus, it couldn’t have happened at a more auspicious time. The 4th of July was right around the corner. I knew that I could find a good sale on a new one. Shoot even a dryer too! And that is exactly what happened.

No Fancy Smart Appliance

I knew before going to the store I had no interest in purchasing one of those smart home appliances you connect to your phone. The fancy ones with all the bells and whistles. I had heard about them for the kitchen. Devices like rice cookers, crock pots, dishwashers and even refrigerators are all connected to your phone these days. Sorry, but those of you who read my blog and know me personally know that I am a bit old fashion. Heck, I still use a landline phone with an answering machine for all those robocalls! I don’t go run out the door and purchase the first new hot thing smoking

. I use an item until the wheels fall off. Until it is falling apart. Case in point my washing machine.

Need Knobs and Dials

So, I told the sales lady none of that smart home stuff for me. I want the old fashion washing machine and dryer with knobs and buttons. I want to be able to touch and feel my appliance. She showed me one on display that was perfect for my needs and I purchased it.

Now, you might be asking why I am so dead set against the new fancy smart home devices? Well, glad you asked because I got a couple of reasons and it is not just because I am blind. Although my disability is close to the top of the list. So, I will start there first.

As a blind person I want tactual appliances and devices. Knobs and buttons are what works best for me. I can feel them easily and mark them as well. I usually apply a product called Hi Mark that goes on wet but when dry puffs up. I use this product for all kinds of stuff like my measuring cups, microwave, thermostat, and dials on my air frier, dish washer and curling iron. I have been using it for years and it works beautifully. Plus, it comes in bright colors for the low vision folks.

Smart Machines Are Expensive

I mentioned earlier that I purchased my washer and dryer during the 4th of July. I got a good deal but not sure that would have been the case with a smart option. Typically, smart laundry units are more expensive to purchase. And even more expensive to repair says Angie’s List. The main issue for high-tech appliance malfunction is the control board, which is the computerized system that operates the appliance. Meaning an expert repair guy or gal must come and fix the machine and it won’t be cheap.

WIFI Connection and Firmware Updates

Smart appliances are called this because of their innovative technological advancements. Appliances are connected to WIFI via a smartphone. So, if the connection isn’t working neither are the machines. This is too high tech for me. I just want to keep it simple and wash my clothes whether I got an internet connection or not.

since these appliances are connected to the internet there might be data and privacy problems. Reliable internet security protocols might not be used which could lead to people hacking into your system and other devices. And we all know the more info people have about you and me online the more that data is vulnerable. Who wants people snooping around?

My last point, about why my laundry isn’t smart, is the firmware might not be updated regularly. Smart washers and dryers can experience a lot of glitches with their apps, home hubs and connectivity. Additionally, there is no guarantee a smart washer or dryer will get firmware updates. This means if there is a problem the app and machine won’t be talking to each other and your goanna have to call that repair guy I mentioned earlier.

Is Your Laundry Smart?

You see how smart I am. Now, don’t get me wrong I appreciate technology however when it comes to some things if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. Old-fashion or what they call standard machines work just fine. The bottom line is to get the clothes clean and dry. To do it in the easiest and least complicated way available. That’s what I think. Tag, it’s your turn. Do you have a smart home appliance? If so, how’s it working for you? If not would you purchase one?

Today I’m Relaxing Instead of Working

Empish sitting on mat in a yoga prayer pose

It’s Time to Relax

You are sitting in a comfortable position. The room temperature is just right. There is relaxing music playing in the background. Someone with a soft and gentle voice is giving these instructions:  Relax. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Release with a slow awl. Sit back and close your eyes and gradually release the tension. Start with your toes. Working up your legs and hips. Moving slowly up your arms. To your shoulders, neck fingertips and head. Now slowly open your eyes and read my soothing blog post on relaxation. Well, maybe not the last part but you get the point.

I am relaxing today. Taking some time off. Maybe sleep in late for a change. Watch a movie or two. Read an audiobook. Or just do nothing. The last couple of Sundays I have been working. Writing blog post. Doing research. Taking courses to update this website. The list goes on and on.

It is good to take a breather from time to time. To rest, relax and release stress. To recharge my battery. I am an overachiever and Type A personality so I can get laser focused and I am in the zone. Then I am off to the races and not much else matters. The problem is I feel it later when my body is stiff, sore and aches all over. Making me exhausted and not good for much of anything else.

Blindness and Stress

also, because I am blind sometimes I feel the pressure to perform. To show the world and society blind people are smart. We are successful. We can contribute. We can do things. So many people have had little to no interaction with a blind person therefore all kinds of ideas and misinformation gets out there. Then people like me spend a lot of time pushing back on that and it is stressful.

When I saw on my calendar that Today is National Relaxation Day I knew I would definitely pause and take a break. And no guilt too because I have a legitimate reason. It is Sunday first of all and second a national observance. I got to do it, right? Yes, I do. So, I wrote this post in advance and when you read it I will be relaxing and not writing. I will not be working.

Relaxing Music Helps Me Sleep

Empish Sleeping

Now the other thing is this. I don’t just plan to relax today but relax on the regular. It is important to make relaxation a part of my lifestyle and not just a one off. So, what I have been doing is listening to relaxation, or maybe the better word is meditation, CDs. I started borrowing them from my county library through the Hoopla app. OMG! This app is wonderful because it is free and fairly accessible. Not only can I download audiobooks but movies and music too. So, one day I decided to try one of the meditation CDs to help with my sleeping problem. I found it extremely helpful as it soothed me and cleared my mind so I could sleep. I have made it a part of my nighttime routine or when I want to take an afternoon nap.

Now, I am done. No more talking about relaxation because it is time to actually do it. I am going to go and relax and I encourage you to do the same. But before you do, let me know ways you relax best in the comment section.

Watermelon is My Favorite Summertime Food

Empish eating a bowl of watermelon chunks

Watermelon and Summertime

Although today is National Watermelon Day eating watermelon has always been a part of my life. Ever since I was a little girl growing up in Texas these melons were constantly there during the summer months. My parents would buy these long, huge and heavy green fruits. Slice them up and place in the frig to get cold. Then later we would sit on the back patio eating slices of this delicious, sweet red food enjoying the summer afternoon. Ah, yes, those childhood memories.

Today, I have no backyard patio. But I do have the summer heat and my watermelon. Instead of purchasing large whole ones, I cheat a little. I use my visual disability as an excuse. Trying to do all that work washing, slicing, dicing and cleanup is just too much as a blind person. So, I buy it already cut up and ready to go. The grocery stores do all the work and provide them in little containers in chunks. This is perfect for my needs. I just swing through the produce section and grab a container or two of sweet and juicy watermelon. It is my favorite summertime fruit and complements my plant base lifestyle. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love grapes, peaches, nectarines, pears, pineapple, apples and all kinds of berries. But this time of the year watermelon is number one.

Here Are the Facts

It is refreshing. It is sweet. It is cool. It is nutritious. You just can’t beat it. I know, I sound like a commercial. And I am going to go a step farther with my praise in this post by sharing five facts from the Watermelon Board and Mayo Clinic about watermelons. And before I go I will even leave you with two quick and easy recipes you are sure to love.

A baby, looking directly at the camera with wide eyes, is taking a bite from a slice of watermelon while holding it with both hands as an adult helps by holding it too.

1.  Watermelon is a vegetable not a fruit. But all things relative it can be seen both ways. Watermelon is a member of the cucurbitaceae plant family of gourds and classified as Citrullus lantus. Related to the cucumber, squash and pumpkin. It is planted from seeds or seedlings, harvested and cleared from the field like other vegetables. But like the pepper, tomato and pumpkin, watermelon is a fruit, botanically. It is the fruit of a plant originally from a vine of southern Africa. Loosely considered a type of melon.

2.  Watermelon is a disease fighter. It has more lycopene than any other fresh fruit or vegetable. Lycopene is an antioxidant linked to decreased risk of cancer, heart disease and age-related eye conditions, like macular degeneration.

3.  Watermelon hydrates. As its name so clearly states, 92% of watermelon contains water. It is the most common melon eaten in America and is perfect for staying refreshed and hydrated on a hot summer day.

4.  A watermelon is completely edible, including the seeds and the rind. This means watermelon is a zero-food waste food. The green skin is edible by cooking and/or pickled.

5.  When selecting a watermelon Look it over carefully. Scan for firmness free from bruises, cuts or dents. Scratching is fine because of all the handling in getting to market. Next, lift it up. It should be very heavy for its size. Lastly, turn it over. The underside of the watermelon should have a creamy yellow spot from where it sat on the ground and ripened in the sun.

Two Watermelon Recipes

Now as I promised here are two watermelon recipes to keep you cool and rejuvenated.

1.  Watermelon Arugula Salad

This one has no official measurements so add as much or as little ingredients as you desire.

*baby arugula lettuce

*watermelon chunks

*feta cheese crumbles

*roasted nuts (Sliced almonds or pecans work best. Roast them in oil with a sprinkling of cayenne or red pepper)

*strawberry vinaigrette salad dressing

In a bowl place baby arugula lettuce. Top with diced chunks of watermelon. Add feta cheese crumbles and roasted nuts. Lightly toss. Then drizzle with strawberry vinaigrette. Eat and enjoy.

A woman's hands holding a slice of watermelon with some bites taken from it.

2. Watermelon Lemonade

Move over Arnold Palmer! This beverage will quinch any thirst. Easy to make with just two ingredients.

*Watermelon chunks

*Your favorite lemonade

Place watermelon chunks and juice in blender. Pour juice into pitcher with lemonade. Like an Arnold Palmer, half and half works best. Sip and enjoy.

Old and New Technology Keeps Me Connected to Friends

Empish Using a Landline Phone

National Friendship Day

Helen Keller once said that she would rather walk with a friend in the dark than alone in the light. Her statement reflects the importance of friendship. Close companionship is just as or even more critical than being sighted. I can relate. The friends that I have made over the years are so important to me. Friends who have helped me during those early days of my visual disability and are still around. Friends I made through work related situations. My book club friends. My blind friends. My writing friends. The list goes on and on. What would I do without the great and wonderful people in my life? Today, I give honor and appreciation for my friends. Today is National Friendship Day.

I tell you, dealing with this pandemic has made my friendships even more special. Even more precious. This virus has caused me to look closer at life and my own mortality. I remember when the pandemic first hit, I was calling and checking on friends. They were calling me too. It was so funny because I could hardly get any work done for my phone ringing and my email pinging. But I didn’t complain because I was grateful that someone cared about me. That someone was checking on me to see that I was okay and doing alright. And the thing is, we are still doing this over a year later. This pandemic is not over and we got to continue to stay close. To stay in each other’s lives.

Calling Friends on the Phone

So, how best to keep that connection going? Well, I use both old and new technology. I rely heavily on my handy dandy landline phone. Yes, I know, I am old-fashion and out of-date. But my landline phone works beautifully and I love it. It is so easy to pick up the phone and have a chat with a friend. Day or night. Weekday or weekend. It doesn’t matter. Hearing another person’s voice on the other end works wonders. It lifts the spirit. It puts me in a positive mood. It’s like a warm embrace or a tight hug-all through the phone.

But I also use my newer technology, my iPhone. Although mostly as an address book to store my friends contact information. I just ask Siri for their phone number and then dial it on my landline. I find it hard to talk on my iPhone because of its smooth flat surface. It slips too easily from under the crook of my chin. During conversations, my cheek gets warm and sweaty from the surface. This is not a good look or situation when I am trying to converse with a friend. Additionally, I haven’t found earbuds helpful yet. Maybe I should investigate that more.

Receiving Emails From Friends

Empish Sitting in Front of Laptop Wearing Headset with Microphone

When talking on the phone is not an option, emailing works well. Sending a quick note to check in or chat has been a great way for me to stay connected to my friends. Especially, those living away from me. I have friends I have maintained relationships with for years this way. We will send emails back and forth to see how things are going. How is work, the family, the weather, etc. It is so nice and heart-warming to get an email. It is nice to have electronic communication with another human being I have a close connection. Sometimes it takes time to type up the message, run spell check and read over for clarity. But it is well worth it because it is going to someone who is important in my life-my friend.

There are many other ways to stay connected to friends that I didn’t share. Text messages, social media, Zoom video calls, and even letters and greeting cards. But whatever method you use, I urge you to stay close.

Wearing Lipstick and a Facemask. Is It Possible?

Five tubes of lipsticks standing up in a line with one tube laying down in front.

Lipstick is My Jam

When the pandemic struck and we were encouraged to wear facemasks I stopped wearing lipsticks. I wear mostly cloth ones and I thought wearing lipstick   would be  difficult to nearly impossible to do successfully. Wearing lipstick is my only facial cosmetic adornment. I had stop wearing eye makeup years ago and I never wore face powders, concealers or blushes. So, lipsticks became my jam.

I braille labeled each tube with the corresponding color to keep track. I have various bold bright colors in variations of reds, pinks, bronzy golds and browns. These colors look the best on my skin tone and I was proud to wear them often.

An aerial view of tubes of lipstick with a white background in shadows cast by each tube.

When my Mary Kay consultant sent me a complimentary tube of bold red lipstick, with my regular order, I was so excited to wear it. But before I could run that smooth bright color across my lips the world shutdown and I had to wear a facemask. I was so disappointed as I sighed, put my favorite lipstick color back in its box and stored away hoping soon the pandemic would be over.

Well, it is a year later and I still haven’t worn that lipstick! LOL! Okay, not exactly, I have pulled it out for a Zoom video call or two but you know that is not the same as wearing it out in public. So, when I heard it was National Lipstick Day I wanted to find out if it was possible to wear lipstick and a facemask too. I quickly discovered the answer is yes. Initially when I started reading online articles about wearing lipstick under a facemask, I thought it was a waste because first, no one would see it. I mean why wear a beautiful color of lipstick to only cover it up. In my mind that is the whole reason. Second, what would be the point because my lips would get smudged and stain my mask.

Wearing Lipstick and a Facemask

Empish grocery shopping wearing a facemask

Nowadays with the pandemic, I only go out for small errands like grocery shopping. Everything else I mostly do from home. However, the pandemic is not over and I will probably be wearing a mask for a lot longer. So, it got me to rethink this whole lipstick mask situation. Maybe it is possible for me to pull this off after all? 

If you are like me and missing wearing your lipstick, tired of wearing Chapstick or nothing at all, let me share a pointer or two. I read some tips in Harper’s Bazaar from Michelle Obama’s make-up artist, Carl Ray. First is to exfoliate & moisturize your lips. Our lips don’t naturally stay soft and smooth. Second use a lip primer or a concealer followed by lip liner applied all over your lips. Afterward apply your color. Keep in mind that matte finishes are preferrable over shiny ones that can stick to the mask. Also, you can blot off extra lipstick with facial tissue.

Focused on Pandemic and not Lipstick

As I read that article it dawned on me that this advice was nothing new. Even as I continued to read more articles online I found similar advice and helpful tips. This all made sense and I wondered why I hadn’t thought of it before now? Then I had an aha moment. Since dealing with this pandemic wearing lipstick has not been the priority. It has been trying to live, work and do the best I can. Wearing lipstick was one of those little rituals I did to prep before leaving the house. To feel pretty. To dress up. It was a part of my normal. Things have settled down a bit and now I can concentrate on life’s little pleasures again.

My Musings on Being Heumann

Wall of Book Shelves

The ADA and Disability Activism

Today in the disability community, we recognize the signing of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). In honor of this landmark civil rights legislation, I read an audiobook “Being Heumann: An Unrepented Memoir of a Disability Rights Activist” by Judie Heumann. She is a disability advocate and her actions played a vital role in the passing of this law. You might have heard of her more recently as she was featured in the 2021 Oscar nominated documentary Crip Camp that aired on Netflix. However, Judie is known much more than her role in a film. Penguin Random House summarized her story best, “One of the most influential disability rights activists in US history tells her personal story of fighting for the right to receive an education, have a job and just be human. A story of fighting to belong in a world that wasn’t built for all of us and of one woman’s activism—from the streets of Brooklyn and San Francisco to inside the halls of Washington—Being Heumann recounts Judy Heumann’s lifelong battle to achieve respect, acceptance and inclusion in society.”

Being Heumann Overview

Judie starts her story at infancy where she describes being paralyzed from polio at eighteen months and how her struggles for equality began early. She was labeled as a “fire hazard “because of her wheelchair as she fought to attend grade school. Her battles with the school system continued when she won a lawsuit against the New York City school system for denying her a teacher’s license because of her paralysis, where her actions set an example that ultimately improved rights for disabled people.

She continued to be a role model of activism and self-determination when she rolled her wheelchair through the doors of the US Department of Health, Education, and Welfare in San Francisco as a prominent leader of the Section 504 Sit-In. It was the longest takeover of a governmental building in US history. Judie and a community of over 150 disabled activists and allies were able to successfully pressure the Carter administration to implement protections for disabled people’s rights, igniting a national movement and leading to the creation of the ADA.

Different Backgrounds but Many parallels

I left encouraged after reading this book about Judie’s life. Although I didn’t become disabled as a child, am not Jewish or from the north and our disabilities are different, I did see parallels. I have worked several years at an independent living center. I have dealt with the struggles for inclusion and acceptance. I have felt shame or confusion when someone calls out my disability or ask intrusive questions. I have had struggles with accessing the basic things I need to live and work.

Fine Line of inclusion and Exclusion

I understood her point about walking that fine line of inclusion and exclusion. Judie shared an example of this when at church her mother didn’t want the pastor to carry her up the stairs to participate in the activities with the other children. Her mother thought it was too much and it would be a burden even though the pastor was okay with it. I could relate with this situation so strongly. It is part of the stress of my disabled life and not wanting to be a burden. It is about picking and choosing your battles. It is about not wanting to wear out your welcome. If I ask to many times, people will get tired and annoyed so I pull back and either don’t ask much or don’t ask at all, neglecting my needs in the process. It is also being in that vulnerable and precarious position of depending on people to be nice. If a person is nice about it then I feel okay to ask and move forward; if I sense some resistance then I pull back and don’t ask.

Focus on the Barrier Not the Disabled

A woman in a wheelchair along side another woman working with her on a computer
https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-in-red-sweater-wearing-black-framed-eyeglasses-sitting-on-wheelchair-4063789/

One of the things I have learned about being a disability advocate and Judie also brings up in her book is the mindset we must have for the world to change. When she was pushing for Section 504 she and other activists had to help people understand it is not because you can’t walk that you can’t get into the building rather the building is not accessible. Changing the mindset and putting it on the barrier and not on the disabled person is the way of creating the change. For example, I wrote in a post about applying for jobs online and inaccessible sites. The answer is not for me to regain my sight or get a sighted person to help but to fix or create accessible websites that work with my screen reader.

Feelings of Being Ignored

Judie said when people ignore you, it is an intentional display of power. They act like you don’t exist and do it because they can. They believe that nothing will happen to them Ignoring people silences them. It avoids resolution or compromise. It opens feelings of unworthiness because it makes you feel that you deserve this treatment in the first place. In the end you are forced to choose whether to make a fuss or accept the silent treatment. If you stand up for yourself then you are viewed as aggressive because you break the norms of being nice and polite, which can make you feel worse.

OMG! When Judie said this, I was thunderstruck! What she said was so true and powerful. So many times, I have felt a loss of power as a Black disabled woman when I have been ignored by someone who didn’t want to deal with me. There would be times when I just didn’t have the energy or the resources to fight back. There have been times when I would regroup and try another approach but in the end being ignored really sucked! I would have to figure out other ways to reclaim my power and self-confidence.

It’s About Human Rights

Judie notes that people need to understand that Section 504 and the ADA was about civil and human rights for the disabled. Many people understand the fight for racial equality, or gender equality but when it comes to disability people don’t connect the dots. Many times, I have had to say substitute one of the other minority groups and replace with the word disability.  Then people began to understand the struggle for equality. Judie said the basic logic in society is that people with disabilities won’t benefit as much from X, or Y or Z as much as people without disabilities. Therefore, X or Y or Z is not essential. They should accept the idea of going without. The same goes for transportation and employment. But what kind of logic is that really? The underlined assumption is that people with disabilities have less potential to learn and contribute. That we are less capable and not equal.  Judie says the problem with this logic is that disability is part of the human condition. As we live longer more people will become disabled. What we should do is accept it, plan for it and build our society around it. Disability is coming whether we want it to or not. I totally agree and tell my temporary abled body friends this all the time.

I will end this blog on this profound point Judie made. We underappreciate our human rights in America. You won’t realize their importance until they are gone. These are such powerful words. Therefore, we must be constantly vigilant because our rights are precious. We can lose them. They can be taken away at any time.

My Challenges Applying for Jobs Online

Empish Working in Home Office

Those of you who spend time surfing the web know full well advancements in computer technology have made it easier and better to search for employment online. As a job seeker, we no longer must go in person and fill out a paper application or physically fax a resume and cover letter. Today we can independently and on our own time go online to search for jobs.

With my screen reader, I can upload my resume and cover letter to a prospective employer’s website. Or I can create a username and password to log in to generate an online profile. Or I can fill out an electronic application and search for a job using an online recruiting job board. All these advancements are awesome because as a blind person I can apply for jobs from the convenience and comfort of my home. Yet, I have face challenges because these sites are not always accessible hindering me from applying for positions. Additionally, many employers miss out on qualified, talented applicants, like me, because they create external barriers with inaccessible online application tools.

This is why I was excited to share my job searching challenges with Inclusively, a professional network connecting candidates with disabilities, mental health conditions and chronic illnesses to jobs and inclusive employers. I gave several examples of how I struggled with inaccessible form fields, log in screens and online applications. Read all the details and learn more about Inclusively’s employment platform here.